Family Members Won’t Model

A Button Buddy asks…

Hi, I love your resources, I’ve just got a few questions that I don’t see anywhere. We started our journey 1/1/23.

I have treat as word 1, he loves a treat (he isn’t a big eater and is very active so this is ok) and has used it 3 times in 7 days.

Word 2, we have play.

Word 3, now that’s been a struggle.

I live with family at the moment and with an older dog. The other family members wouldn’t use the buttons so some buttons are not going to be consistent until I move (hopefully very soon). The back door is open most of the day for the other dog so “outside” isn’t really an option, “walk” is a difficult one because I do one walk and family do another, so that wouldn’t be consistent either.

“Pets” is an option but he would go and get pets from other people in the house without the button press.… Would “pets” work as a good button despite this?

Once I move I know it will be much more consistent. I've asked the opinion of many users but answers are inconsistent.

I’m thinking instead of “pets” I could use puzzle/sniff mat. Could I use puzzle as a  word for various toys like this?

When I read about Bunny using “puzzle” first, that got me excited, but then it made me wonder about how many opportunities that really gives Victor daily. It’s a great word as they are out of reach (we have a kong puzzle and a sniff matt so would include both and I could buy more) which like Bunny, gives the opportunity to ask for something that isn’t there that he loves, but then how many times a day do you feel that button should be modelled and given? It’s not, realistically, a 10x a day button.

How did you do it?

Then “pets,” pets are given by all of us consistently, but what about when I’m half asleep and he wants pets so I do it without pressing? Am I spoiling our progress?

I am a deep and over thinker and I really want to do right by my baby so I’m a stresser too!

Thank you

I have been reading ‘Encouraging your first independent presses’ xx

“I have 10 puzzles a day. Doesn’t everyone?”

I think Treat and Play are both great starters. I think you're right not to use Outside if that's not really a thing he needs to ask for. Pets is a great option and so is Puzzle.

It's best to start with words with broad meanings and then you can get more specific later if you need to. So if you call all puzzle toys/balls/mats "Puzzle" that's fine and if later your learner seems to want to distinguish between different kinds you could add specific words for them or combine words like "sniff" or "ball" with "Puzzle" to make a 2 button combo that means that kind of puzzle. It's likely your learner will do this kind of thing himself eventually.

Your main concern right now seems to be the lack of household participation. I'm sorry, that sucks. It's very discouraging for a lot of folks when family members refuse to participate for whatever reason. The good news is that it won't really hamper your learner. If they press buttons around family members who don't respond, that's OK, they'll just figure out that you're the only one it's worth using the buttons around.

It would be great if they would help you model, but your learner getting pets from someone who doesn't push Pets first won't confuse him or ruin his ability to learn. He probably would pick up the words faster with more people modeling, but them not modeling won't make him learn slower, if that makes sense.

Also, model for the older dog too! Even if the family isn't interested in teaching him and you're not going to be there long term, your interactions with the older dog are still great modeling opportunities and you never know, maybe he'll pick them up too.

And you can't rule out that once your learner starts pressing occasionally that maybe the family will get on board. You can watch a million videos but once a learner is pushing buttons in front of you in ways that make sense it's suddenly much harder to ignore.

The only caveat to all of this is if you think a family member might actively sabotage your modeling. If you've got, idk, a sibling who would press Play and give the dog treats instead, just to be a jerk, that would be a significant issue and in that case I'd put off teaching until you have your own place. But that's quite an extreme example that seems unlikely.

Bunny isn’t mad at unsupportive family members. She’s just disappointed.

So now to choose between Pets or Puzzle.

It's OK if you can't model the button every single time the thing happens. You can still model verbally, even if you can't get to the button. Maybe you're half asleep, but also, maybe you're out and about on a walk. You don't need to drag the buttons with you. Obviously do model with the buttons and verbally as much as you can, but don't sweat it if you miss it now and again.

If the family is only ignoring the buttons, then he'll be fine. He'll just figure out that they don't respond to the buttons. Like if you had a college roommate who didn't talk to you. You wouldn't stop talking, but you'd stop talking to them. Is this example based on personal experience? Who can say.

With Puzzle, it really depends on how often you're willing to do the puzzle. I generally struggle to get Bertie to eat, so I had zero issues refilling his puzzles as many times as he asked for. If Victor gets a puzzle routinely a couple times a day that should be fine. If he's puzzle crazy and always wants more, then I would give him a puzzle but cut back on the food inside. Bertie’s puzzles are mostly full of regular food, not treats. But it's a different kind of food than his normal food so it still counts as a treat to him. This is a scam I highly recommend.

If you go that route with Puzzle, just factor into your planning that you'll refill it a couple extra times. Sometimes folks get frustrated when a learner starts asking for more play, or more treats, or whatever it is and it starts taking more time than they generally mentally plan for those activities. So you'll just need to budget more. Maybe from now on instead of giving him a puzzle and doing something else for 30 minutes, you give him the puzzle and just check in every 10 minutes to see if he wants a refill.

I'm sure you know this since you say you're an over-thinker and you've clearly been doing your research, but a lot of learners (most I think) take upwards of a month to start pressing any buttons at all, even experimentally. So you guys are off to a great start.